he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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