dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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