Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
