Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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