So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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