Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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