just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
