his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
