i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
