My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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