He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize