If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
