WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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