i need an iv and a liver transplant
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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