I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You're so nebulous sometimes
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
