I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
