he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
