He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think my fart just growled at me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Randomize
