i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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