goodnight i made you a song goodbye
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
