I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
