Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
