Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
