I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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