i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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