haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
