You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
