When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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