i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
