someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
