You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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