I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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