Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
