I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This house was built for laser tag.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
