so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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