At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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