I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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