I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
