you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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