Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
