What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i drank out of a bidet.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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