Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize