How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
