I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
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I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
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C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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