420 ftw
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
