she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
