i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
