oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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