When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
