this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
