I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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