you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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