Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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