I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
