How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
