I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
