I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
