Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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