Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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