He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
