So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
