just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
