I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
