I just threw up on my dentist
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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