Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
