i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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