I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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