Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
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She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
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It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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