The maid of honor just puked.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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