I smell stomach acid.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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