moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
