sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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