$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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