Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
