At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
