We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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