whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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