It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
