He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
