so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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