you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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