good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
