Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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