Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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