so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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