is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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